DEALING WITH REJECTION
As discussed in Part 1, rejection is a stronghold that affects the ego of an individual. It defies the very sense of being and crashes any positive attempts to self- awareness, self love and fruitful relationships. It is important to note that while this can be as a result of one bad experience, it can be a response to a train of bad experiences overtime too. Moreover, it may not even be about bad experiences but a state of loss in the following examples:
Primary Causes of Rejection
- rejected pregnancy
- rejected mother
- death of parent(s)/spouse/loved one/partner/lover
- absent father or mother/both
- divorce or broken family/home
- unhappy homes e.g quarells, fights
Secondary Causes of rejection
- loss of a loved one
- failed relationships
- loss of self~pride e.g virginity, rejected pregnancy, no access to child,
- separation and long distance relationships
- painful memories
- abuse e.g sexual, emotional, physical
- bullying, mockery, shame etc
- late marriage
- poverty e.g lack of food, shelter, clothes or fees/education
- costly mistakes or regrets
- unbelief and disobedience e.g occult, iniquitous patterns ~ continued sin (of self or generational)
As it were, loss in the examples above clearly depicts denied access to rights of love or desired status/dignity or relationships. Thus one has been rejected whether they are aware or unaware of this fact and these are called open doors to ones innerman for torment. The spirit of rejection simply looks for an open door in one’s life or their bloodline (Deuteronomy 5:19) . This means that being sinless in that area as an individual does not exempt you from torment or being a target for possession. Rejection may therefore be active, ~known or unknown, acknowledged or not and has the evil capacity to render havoc to unsuspecting individuals who think its ‘life’. Worsestill, both perpetrators and victims are subject to the spirit at the occurence of the rejection. The act of rejecting and that of being rejected is rejection in all. Evidently, a look at the above shows nothing new but such as is common to man but that is where the trick is. Although the face of it all is normal, the processing of emotions related to these experiences on the inside is nothing near normal. Infact, it should be a very thoughtful and deliberate plan to process negative emotions and safely dispose of them without harming self or others all the way to a state of peace. This is what will separate the rejected from the accepted.
Most individuals do not take the time to workout their emotions because of a combination of factors from life’s experiences to teachings recorded and encountered along the way. The thing is that through life’s journey we formulate templates of response to similar experiences based on what works best interms of peace and comfort for ourselves. Unfortunately, the tendency is for people to brush it off, code it ‘life’ act like everything is ok and try to manuvre through life until a day of reckoning comes and a defining moment begins. Worsestill, a response that works for one is not necessarily the fruitful one and may have negative effects on self and others creating seeds for future rejection and abuse cycles that will know no end until they are dealt with. Most times, its too late and damage of some sort has been done.
After experiencing the shock of rejection the individual retaliates by crafting a response mechanism (also known as a copying mechanism) of self protection from further harm. The result becomes a perverted self~awareness in both extremes of good and bad. On the good side were one is supposed to be self-aware, confident and humble their ego is inflated and they become too important for the world, prideful and hard to please. On the bad side, were they were already shy, reserved and self-conscious, their already dwindled confidence tank is thrown to the dogs leaving them utterly insecure, scared of people and places and generally fearful of anything from failure to making mistakes and being alone or lonely and yet what they fear the most makes up their life eventually.
It is also very common for one to switch from a good side extreme to a bad side extreme at any point in their life as they try to come up with the best mechanism for self protection. This becomes a mask of self in which they hide that rejected being inside and enjoy the fake one who seems to be more comfortable and incharge outside. Unfortunately, that rejected self continues to cry for freedom causing conflict within self as the pressure of inauthenticity threatens their peace. This can lead to depression or mental challenges if left unattended.
Now the symptoms of rejection will always reveal themselves in a person’s life and the running has to stop at some point.
HOW TO IDENTIFY & DEAL WITH REJECTION: The PADRA Analysis
Conducting aPADRA analysis begins the healing process by allowing an individual to reflect on their lives, zone in on the Pain, Anger, Disappoinments, Regrets and Anxiety points in their lives thus far, face them, do an audit of the trends and then close the demonic doors associated with them Gods way. PADRAs question the presence of God or acceptance at some point hence lead to rejection.
1. ASK QUESTIONS
The first port of call is to ask questions. The following are just examples:
- Have i ever been disappointed?
- Am i angry about something?
- Was i denied access to someone, something or somewhere?
- Did someone break my heart?
- What are my fears?
- Is my life the way it should be? Why?
Again these questions at first glance are ‘life’ and many would think so what’s the big deal? In most cases rejected people are ‘okay’ people, not ‘angry’ and generally ‘happy’ looking people until the right questions are asked and they get talking. As mentioned in Part 1, rejection is a stronghold that commands other giants e.g pride, unforgiveness, rebellion, bitterness and anger etc etc…Thus, amongst the tell~tell signs of rejection are frustration, stagnancy, going round in circles, unresolved anger issues, troubled relationships birthed in domineering attitudes, i~know~it~all, unteachable, perfectionist/ hard to please character, rebellious, control freak, grudge keeper and truss breaker, easily disappointed, quick to cry, highly emotional and sensitive, always misread and misunderstood, confused about self and constantly in turmoil within self etc etc. These continue to set one up with more rejection, misery and lack of peace.
The next step is to think deeply and reflect on the who, what, where, why and how of each point. You must be able to:
- Acknowledge the rejection/wrongs done
- Accept what the perpetrators did
- Ascertain your own contribution to what happened
- Take responsibility for your own action
3. SURRENDER TO THE SOVEREIGN GOD
This is the crucial stage where you acknowledge the presence of a higher power in it all. Please note that this is a leap of faith as nothing changes outside instantly but everything is transformed inside instantly. Unfortunately, the change can quickly vanish if nothing is done to maintain it. You have to trust the one who sees all, knows all and is judge over all. As you continue to hold those who rejected/hurt you, God cannot deal with them. You continue to be a god/judge over the situation and therefore live under an open curse~the price of idolatry (Jeremiah 17.5). As a host of the spirit of rejection you are simply your biggest enemy.
After you have made the committment to yield to a higher power and NOT your ownself, begin the journey of letting go. It is important to know that this is not a one day thing afterall rome wasn’t built in a day! The committment to see it through means a lot for yourself, your loved ones and the kingdom. The rejected being trapped on the inside must come out. To do this she/he has to make sure that acceptance and not rejection awaits them outside. Take the following steps to prepare the exit:
- Kill the idol in you: Acknowledge the Lordship of God Almighty through the love of Christ who died for you on the cross while you were yet a sinner. This means acceptance!
- Repent: Whether you entered the web of rejection knowingly or unknowingly, you have become a partaker of its evils and repentance is key. Repent on behalf of self, family and ancestors (Deuteronomy 5:19). Some of the sins associated with rejection are self explanatory being based on acts of rejection and the resulting copying mechanisms of personal protection such as rebellion, bitterness, pride, anger issues, unforgiveneness which lead to other sins e.g foul attitude towards perpetrators sometimes even hate and thoughts of killing them or wishing for their death or misfortune, trickery, dishohour, disrespect, perversion (e.g fornication, adultery, masturbation, whoredom, promiscuity, pornography etc), drunkenness, self-righteousness, unbelief, lack of connection with God (challenges in reading the word, praying or serving etc)
- Forgive: The evil of unforgiveness is that it puts you in a prison of torment where you find your life limited or going round in circles (Matthew 18:23-25). Forgive everyone from yourself, the rejectors to God himself (not that God needs your forgiveness but that in your act of blaming him and asking why, you also classified him as a rejector) so that you can see all in good light, the light of God. Again this is an elimination of false gods. 1. you~god 2. rejector~god 3. god~god. The 1st one is where you made yourself more important than everyone else. The 2nd one is where you harboured those that hurt you carrying them wherever you go. Unbeknown to you these became gods that controlled your attitude, demeanor and entire life. The 3rd one represents the counterfeit God, the devil. If the one true God was present in your life the example of Christ being your model would not co~habit with rejection and its partners. You have thus been furthering the enemy’s agenda while destroying your own self amd others. Humble yourself, FORGIVE and let go!
- ACCEPTANCE: After all is said and done it is of utmost importance to adopt an attitude of acceptance. Focusing on God means access is granted and moving forward in this mindset will ultimately wipeout the residue of rejection. One must begin a journey of feeding their spirit daily with the bread of life. Being born of God, a spirit starved of this food will eventually fall back into the old traps of rejection.
In conclusion, it is imperative to note at this point that as an evil spirit, rejection is very subtle, cunning and quick to camouflage itself in the victim. This makes the above tell~tell signs non~specific at first glance as rejection is able to finely engraft itself into the persona of individuals. Worsestill the spirit has the wicked ability to switch copying mechanisms within one person leading confusion as people are not always sure who they are dealing with and how to deal with that individual. In extreme cases this can lead to such conditions as split- personality disorder which are beyond the scope of this article. Scripture says resist the devil and he will flee from you (James 4:7). Anytime you feel rejected, refuse to entertain the thought. Stick to acceptance and stay focused on access being granted (Proverbs 9:7~8). Eventually the energies around you will partner with you to attract what you desire ~ the atmosphere you live in being charged with positive energies and acceptance!
Till Then, thank you for reading this post and don’t forget to share 🙂
falling is not the problem, failing to riseUP is