The Animal Called Communication: Part 3

Barriers and Challenges to Positive Communication

The fact that communication is imparting or exchanging information means that if this doesn’t not occur there is a barrier or wall that has prevented successful communication. This unfortunate occurrence kills relationships at both personal and business levels. The major cause of this is the absence of the fruits of the Holy Spirit (Galatians 5:22-23). In its simplest form this can be equated to rebellion. Refusal to exhibit the divine nature which is already on the inside of one. This opens way for perversion which automatically takes over the space in our hearts intended for spiritual fruits. Regrettably, this is also a sign of selfishness, a trait that exalts self above others. It makes it impossible to minister the fruits of the spirit as one becomes pre-occupied with their own bargain. Consequently, God comes after this act of disobedience with vengeance, shutting down rebellious ears and exposing the culprit to further wickedness (Romans 11:6; Romans 1:28). It must be noted that because the one who causes perversion (devil) is subtle, defilement is not a one-day thing and by the time one sees the devil in the mirror, it may be too late.

So unless repentance is actioned, that downward trend continues to dry up the spiritual fruit-tree. Now because as humans we are pre-destined to produce fruit (Isaiah 6:10), that lack of fruit becomes a point of pain especially because of the confusion caused by the ignorance of being a partaker in drying the tree. Any tree that is dry is a portion for the fire and so the life begins to resemble that of being cut down, dragged, stacked, broken/cut, pulled and burnt. It also reflects trouble, no fixed aboard, unquecheable desires and thirst. Ultimately, this begins to show in the way communication is handled and the fruits of these evil labours include communication executed in anger, bitterness, unforgiveness, rebellion, pride, betrayal and disappointment etc. Every human being is exposed to negative communication from time to time. How the information is received and decoded is determined by the existence of the fruits of the spirit embedded in the God kind of love. While negative communicators harbour negative emotions and intensify them in their agenda decoding and releasing information from a negative angle, positive communicators receive information from a love perspective and respond with uncompromising love and compassion for a fellow human being. While getting hurt by negative communication is inevitable, the way positive communicators handle the pain and process sets them apart for comfort and victory. The culture of keeping the filters clean is a deliberate process by obedient individuals who seek not their own glory but that of God the creator. Without him, personal agendas will always be manipulated by the enemy to further his own kingdom principles. If he can manipulate the transmittal of information then he has ruled!

In short, the challenges are as follows:

  1. Information may be incorrectly articulated by the transmitter: Choice of words and medium may wrongly communicate the intended message (miscommunication)
  2. Information may be incorrectly decoded by the receiver: The receiver may assign the wrong meaning to the words received based on the status of covenant, prevailing circumstances, previous experience and context.
  3. Information may be blocked by receiver and totally rejected before transmittal: This may be due to a bad track record in giving reliable or positive information therefore source becomes blacklisted.
  4. Information may be transmitted but ignored: This may be due to either a blacklisted source, unreliable source or just lack trust and of covenant between parties. In other instances the covenant may be present but taken for granted because of the absence of clarity on the rules or terms of the covenant e.g in a marriage a wife may expect flowers without ever making it known to the husband who may not be as romantic as she expects

How to know if your filters (ears) are contaminated

  • No regard for the Holy Spirit in you. Personal pride reigns, negative emotions are harboured and there’s no effort to bring alignment with the instruction of the Word.
  • Easily offended. Everytime you leave a conversation you are either drained, frustrated and confused
  • You let your negative emotions speak, always scheming
  • Inability to control oneself, full of anger and vengeance,
  • You have no emotional intelligence to manage yours and other’s emotions for positive outcomes
  • Unteachable spirit, An ‘i know it all attitude’ that can’t be told anything
  • You are a dreamer who is locked-up in fantasyland and can’t figure out how to escape present unpleasantness…you do not have a plan

As it were, these tell-tell signs are inter-related and are one at the end of the day because the agenda is one to cause disorder.

Unfirtunately also these signs are not clearcut especially when it comes to self~proclaimed ‘mature christians’. This bunch of people in the church is a very tricky one in some instances because when people have grown in the Lord, they may get familiar with Him to a point were they tell him what should happen without noticing that they are now operating in pride and disobedience. A perfect example is a mature Christian that will take offense, react from that prideful stance and disregard the very presence of God that is supposed to guard their mouth and actions. Unfortunately they grieve the Holy Spirit in the process and there is no attitude of repentance shaming the very word they are supposed to preach.

How to Overcome:

  • Honesty: Integrity is vital. Be honest, start by admitting that you have a problem and commit to telling the TRUTH always!
  • Humility: Accept that you are not perfect. Be prepared to be vulnerable, confess your weaknesses
  • Wisdom: Change your mindset and prepare it to learn new positive ways of information exchange.
  • Teachable: Be prepared to learn and to be taught. Always look forward to learning something new from someone.
  • Accountable: Be accountable and answerable to someone who is in your sphere of influence

In conclusion, failure to handle communication positively impacts every other area of life and is like opening a can of worms that spreads to others. Fortunately it is a skill that can be learned and perfected. Like salvation itself, it must be worked on ‘with fear and trembling’ as all of life depends on it. Neglecting to develop this aspect is simply refusing to be godly and exposing oneself to wicked works. The spirit in us thirsts for holiness and when deprived an emptiness happens which the devil gladly fills up with his own perversion of holiness.

Thank you for reading dont forget to share. Join me again next time

Signing Out
Ester H.

riseUPconqueror!!!!!!!


falling is not the problem, failing to riseUP is!

The Animal called Communication

Part 2: Key Factors of Communication (cont. from Part 1)

It is important to note that the agenda for communication at any given time is always critical in how the ‘communication’ plays out. From the time a message departs from one source to the time it arrives on the other end, agendas on both ends influence the transaction and how it ends whether positively or negatively. The next question to consider becomes that of what influences communication. I have discovered that the four key factors that govern communication are as follows:

Positive/Negative are both Communication:

When something is said and when nothing has been said, communication has taken place. It really does not matter whether its verbal or non-verbal; spoken or unspoken; action or no-action; clear or not clear (case of clarity:); to be or not to be- All of it is communication because impartation and exchange of information will still occur behind the scenes in the mind or heart of hearts where it really matters because of a pre-existing expectation in the particular covenant. It is better to make sure you say something or ask a question and get clarity than to assume things that may be to your own hurt. It is also important to learn to speak than to keep quiet lest you be misjudged or misunderstood. It is equally important to use wisdom in speaking lest you say too much or too little to cause pain or be misquoted. Knowing when to speak and when to keep quiet is great wisdom as well. Too much too soon is just as bad as too little too late!

Covenant:

Covenant is the platform that communication will thrive on. There are various covenants in life from business, friendships, marriages to ministry and just love platforms. Knowledge of the covenant determines expectation and an unspecified and not so defined covenant will have erratic communication leading to failure of the relationship in most cases. Many times people assume that because love, marriage or business has been declared and agreed upon, communication will just flow. This is not only a mindset for fools but for losers who have signed an agreement with failure in everything. It breaks my heart how successful an individual can be in business as an executive but fail dismally in keeping a love relationship, a marriage or a ministry. If they could apply half their business principles, their problems would be half solved. In business for example, people are kept informed by emails, memos, meetings and appraisals etc. In personal relationships these same people may neglect to reply an sms or even take the time to do an appraisal or ask for one from e.g their partner. Everything is expected to be automatic on the personal front while in business deliberate effort is made to make sure everyone is on the same page! A simple SWOT analysis between parties can transform a relationship if people learnt to be openminded and and aim to get better. Thus said the covenant must be clearly defined between parties to enable setting up some communication procedures and expectations that will make things happen fruitfully

Emotion:

The presence of love or absence of it does not guarantee the expected communication. Negative emotions can play out against each other all day without any successful communication. Deliberate effort has to be put to cultivate the atmosphere of an agenda be it love or hate. The expression of emotions can then result in communication. Assumptions thrive in negative emotions and often bring unintended rot to relationships unnecessarily. The feelings and emotions may be very positive but the individual can be locked up in cycles of negative communication, doing and saying all the wrong things to the destruction of their relationships both business and personal. The opposite is mostly true in the case of pretenders whose pretentious ways throw all their fake works in the mud at some point. Thus, positiveness of the agenda should be complimented with positive communication both in terms of verbal and non-verbal means.

Continuous Learning:

Communication means continuous learning but many relationships fail because they live in the ‘assumption mode.’ Assuming that the other party knows is the rot that destroys covenants. Making expectations known and clarifying misconceptions in a positive way helps. Be prepared to learn even when you think you know it all. Communicating positively is the right thing to do so deliberate and conscious effort to do the right thing matters in any relationship. Knowing how to do it is imperative therefore self development in this area is key. Sometimes listening will be better than talking and that is great communication too but unless one learns the art of communication, how can they know. No amount of prayer can solve this one without positive efforts to acquire wisdom for the cause.

So an awareness of these principles of communication and deliberate effort to be a better communicator will lead to successful relationships.

Now that we know the key factors that govern communication, the next thing to talk about is what hinders communication. Join me in Part 3 as we look at communication barriers.

Till Then
Ester H.

riseUPconqueror!!!!


falling is not the problem, failing to riseUP is…

THE ANIMAL CALLED COMMUNICATION

PART 1: WHAT IS COMMUNICATION?

Communication is a subject that has been given a big platform in life through relationships, social media, business and so on but one not quite understood. The importance of understanding it has been neglected and most people find themselves troubleshooting their way through the various demands of this important aspect to make life meaningful. While some build fulfilling relationships, others get hurt never to recover again. Worse still, others carryon on as wounded soldiers while others fight their way through hurting and being hurt. In all this, communication is used or abused to meet different agendas. But what is this animal called communication? Can it be tamed? Who can tame it?

Firstly, this animal called communication is very wild in nature but domestic in terms of habitation. The challenge for many people is assuming that because it is amongst them by default, it is domestic by nature. Well domestic animals are friendly and this one is certainly not friendly as it will bite those that do not make the deliberate effort to tame it. Although it can be tamed, the process is for life as the animal is subject to its old ways when left unattended. The good news is anyone can tame it and that by acquiring wisdom.

But what is it? The oxford online dictionary simply defines communication as, “the imparting or exchanging of information by speaking, writing or using some other medium”.

From the above definition, we can draw out the following crucial points about communication:

  • Information: what one needs to know
  • Impartation: giving that new knowledge
  • Exchanging: sharing new knowledge
  • Medium: the information is transmitted through a certain platform (human or other)

We live in a world where there is need for constant movement of information between parties to enable relationships to go forward as expected producing positive results. The natural expectation is for peace and harmony without which relationships fail. This shows the vital role that information plays in people’s lives. Now the vehicle that moves information between parties or entities is communication.

Origin & Purpose of Communication

In the beginning was the word and that word was God. So God was by himself and when he had created everything else and had seen that it was good, he created man for fellowship. He wanted to be worshiped, to be exalted, to be ministered to and to be honored. Thus began the mystery of communication. Then there was the devil who was thrown out of heaven because of his pride. He wanted power so the only way to gain it was to pervert everything that represents God. He goes after every teaching and produces counterfeits for his kingdom. For truth he has lies, for love, hate for order, disorder and the list goes on. Talking about God and Man, scripture says, “as he is, so are we on the earth” (1 John 4:17). So the need to be exhorted, lifted up and communicated to in a positive way is inborn. It is the divine nature that likens us to God, moreso because “Christ in us is the hope of Glory” (Colossians 1:27). Anytime that we receive information that threatens our peace, that demeans us or puts us down, it doesn’t settle well because it has come against our whole pre-destined nature. It will rock our boat and so if the art of information processing is not in us, the response may further that evil agenda to bring disharmony. In the absence of the fruits of the Holy Spirit, the filters of this information are already distorted with an inclination towards evil so that agenda then overrules the process leading to misunderstandings and confusion.

Types of Communication

  1. Positive Communication: This is the God-Ordained kind which is also commonly known as communication. The fruit of this type of communication is peace, joy, happiness, fulfilment, longsuffering, meekness etc. Infact all of the fruits of the Holy Spirit as shown below can be witnessed when this type of communication is present.

fruits of the spirit

adopted from worddherald.com

It simply exemplifies the Divine Nature of God. It builds, it encourages, it clarifies, it appreciates and brings good tidings. Worthy of note is the fact that this is the kind that can relay negative messages in a constructive way and bring positive results

2. Negative Communication: This is the perversion of Gods plan in terms of fellowship among parties which can be intentional or non-intentional. Anytime you witness disorder and disharmony, it is the work of this type also commonly referred to as miscommunication. It thrives in misunderstandings, misquotings, assumptions that seek no validation or proof and is basically born of pride. Lies characterise this kind because of the devil, the father of lies and originator of this distorted kind of communication. Consequently, there is disorder, pain, breaking, tearing down and discouragement in the face of miscommunication because of the lack of clarity. Nonetheless, some positive communication in terms of truth may fall in this category because of a negative agenda (truth being used to hurt).

to be cont. in Part 2


Thank you for reading this post. Don’t forget to like and share. Join me again in the next post as we continue discovering the animal called communication. In the next post we discover key communication factors and in the upcoming posts we will unravel communication barriers and how to dissolve them

Till then,

Remember…

falling is not he problem but failing to rise up is…

Ester H.