Category Archives: Wisdom for Marriages

MARRIAGE IS CALLING CHAPTER 2: WISDOM OF THE VOWS Part 2

…continued from part 1…

How can God who knew you and ordered your steps before you were born lead those steps into the wrong marriage and only teach you of your errors after you have bore fruit of it. God in all his wisdom and love will OK it only if there is something in it for you for his will and for his glory. He is a God of order and ‘marry one day then divorce another day’ is certainly born of confusion and disorder. This makes the word a lie. God hates divorce that is why he said what he (God) has joined together, let no man put asunder. So when people vow to keep it together they accept the Lordship and final authority of God in joining them together. Unfortunately when it nolonger suits them for whatever reason, God is no longer the authority. They become their own authority, replacing God with their own self, becoming gods in their own right.

This is the tragedy about divorce, trying to become God. Giving yourself the authority to break asunder what no man had joined. When it is time for divorce people overrule God or so they think. In Shona they say “chisi hachieri musi wacharimwa.” While our wrong doing may not be called to remembrance on the day of offense, there is always a day of reckoning after all has been said and done somewhere in the future. That idolatry begins a new cycle of curses. God is God alone and no other but him. You will need the anointing of king Hezekiah that can change God’s mind otherwise living under a curse is not going to be an easy thing. With so much word already in place from God himself against divorce, what are the chances?

In order to keep and maintain your vows, the following key points are necessary:

  1. Team spirit: Are we working as a team?
  2. Positive Confession: power of the tongue, are we praying together at least once a day?
  3. Spirit of discernment: Is there trouble and what is the root cause of it?
  4. Sticking to your domain: Am I being the helper or have I condemned the king and assumed the throne?
  • Unconditional love. Selflessness and Brokenness are the two symbols of unconditional love. They allow the next person to be themselves and to confront their faults without the fear of being judged which normally causes defensiveness or retaliation when someone is wrong. Also, God loves a broken and contrite heart. By the time, you are questioning your vows, you are probably heartbroken and distressed and have done a lot of regret and blame games. It will be your own good to stop and think about Gods own love for you when you were yet a sinner and imperfect. If your husband is imperfect as might be the cause for seeking or thinking about divorce, how about asking God to love him through you. You also have to kill the flesh to do this. It means that you stop thinking about yourself and consider all others involved. It means that you become selfless and soldier on in sacrifices of longsuffering in honour of God’s own word concerning your situation.
  • Fear of the Lord: This just sums it up. If you want help in keeping your vows, the fear of the Lord is your best bet. Because God commissioned marriage, it should be fearful enough for mortal man to break that marriage. Fearing God means keeping it together and committing it to him to make right what is wrong in his way and in his time. It takes faith and hope against hope to believe that God all-knowing can never fail you in restoring what represents his love for mankind in your life. Quitting simply means God has failed to make it workout for your good, but can God fail, really? He is not a man that he should lie. Your faith as a woman relies on trusting that God wants you to have a fruitful union.

Seeing that it is a fearful thing to fall into the hands of the Almighty (Hebrews 10:31), I exhort you married women to get wisdom and stay on course. Jumping ship is costly not only to you but all others involved and worsestill to those that will come.

 

Join me in Chapter 3 as we look at the Wisdom of Servant Leadership

Till then, keep reading and remember,

To every woman that is married, I salute you.

You are a Soldier,

You are a Fighter,

You are a Warrior,

You are a General,

You are a Conqueror

RiseUp Conqueror!!!!

Thank you for reading this post, don’t forget to like the page and share. Till then,

Remember,

Falling is not the problem, Failing to rise up is…RiseUP Conqueror!!!

Ester H.

 

MARRIAGE IS A CALLING CHAPTER 2: WISDOM OF THE VOWS Part 1

The wisdom of Vows is an indispensable requirement for both men and women in the marriage institution. Vows are significant in marriage because it is because of them that a marriage exists in the first place. Vows become challenged when there is discord in the union leading to disunity, curse, coldness culminating in divorce. The seeds of divorce are sown right from the beginning of marriage because the enemy seeks to destroy anything that represents God. As I mentioned in chapter 1, God used marriage to show his love for his own people. He went on to liken the relationship between husband and wife with that between Jesus and the Church. Therefore, a couple either activates divorce seeds or deactivates them along the way. Activation or deactivation of divorce seeds is a continuous process and couples must be on the lookout, jointly making deliberate effort to honour their vows and keep it together. There is enough drama in a day’s work to send someone running from their vows so if you have ever considered divorce, are thinking about it or have been through it, just know that somewhere somehow there was/is an active assignment against your vows from day 1 and whether you know it or not, you are at liberty to partner with the enemy or with God. The unfortunate thing is that, mankind often partners with the enemy in ignorance.

Having a man on the throne who knows how to rule his house and a woman on assignment who knows how to help her King is the best thing that can happen to a marriage. The next thing is to honour or pay your vows according to Ecclesiastes 5:4. Now some will argue that marriage vows are vows between man and man (woman) not man and God for this reason they will not be sinning against God if they break them. This is not so. At the wedding/marriage ceremony, God bears witness in the covenant as he declares that the joining must not be put asunder by man (Mark 10:8-9). He takes over the ceremony declaring himself the one who joins the two together, making them one flesh. Yet some will have more than 10 reasons and justifications for leaving their man. Chief among them is always, he is the wrong person for me. Surprisingly it was your own choice. What changed? Maybe I should be asking, “what didn’t change?” Yes, that’s right, people marry with the hope of perfecting him. Although this must be avoided, it is not impossible for a man to change. However, every woman must forget about changing their man. You did not create him, you simply can’t change him. God Can! Only if you surrender to him and stop meddling.

Staying true to your vows means honouring the one who instituted marriage in the first place. While the crunch of the matter for women is based on honouring the husband as your head, you are simply called to reflect your personal love for God by honouring that which he ordained as your head and according to his will. The parallel between marriage and Gods love for the church is not by chance. God made it so, to show how important this institution is to him, For this reason the enemy does not rest working 24/7 in a marriage to sow seeds of divorce. The enemy watches you, stalks you and plants his seeds while you are unaware. The key to beating the enemy is always calling to remembrance your vows and your assignment. How do you do this in the face of adversity, when the man has abandoned his manly duties, or when he has defiled the marital bed. Worsestill, yours could be a situation of extended family pressure and interference or even physical abuse. What if it’s a case of prolonged sickness or emotional and verbal abuse. How do you forge ahead in keeping your vows? Honestly some of these challenges are enough to strip you of your wisdom of the assignment garments.

After a 5-year separation from my husband, my vows were called to remembran

e in a place of prayer. I contended with God for months to the point where in order to stay true to his word in…I promised to stay single if that was what it would take to get him off my back with this vows thing. I Corinthians 7:10-12 would not let me be! Going back to the man felt like the worst nightmare, so I was prepared to go it alone all the days of my life, at least so I thought. However this was not God’s plan so he continued to sit heavy on me, not giving me a chance to breathe until I gave in. The day that I said “YES Lord”, is the day the burden and the heaviness was lifted off my shoulder. I felt peace like never before. Meanwhile my husband was still the same old person I left and I was dreading. The worst thing was going back to the family home because that’s where I had suffered the most emotionally until I gave up. This was where my assignment was set to restart! I was supposed to go back there and undergo ‘spiritual cleansing’ as I now refer to it. Yes, spiritual bootcamp! Sharpening the fruits of the spirit. I believe this is one part of the assignment that challenges the vows for most women. Many times when the extended family gives us problems we want to run away or we retaliate. Both of these actions smash all the fruits of the Holy Spirit in us and render us useless as children of God. You get a bad report and that just kills and condemns your fruitfulness in marriage and beyond.

The Ndebele say “umuntu ngumuntu ngabantu” As humans we need each other and no man is an island. Since charity begins at home, if you cannot love your in-laws as yourself how do you expect to love the world? You become bitter, unforgiving, angry and sometimes an emotional wreck without knowing it. Of course this affects your own marriage negatively and before you know it you might be looking for a way out of the relationship just so maybe there is peace outside. Sometimes its just the rejection by in-laws a woman can endure but for how long? Rejection in itself is a demonic stronghold and in most cases begins well before we get married and our inlaws just play into that story because of the condition of their own hearts. Unhealthy extended family relationships challenge vows and can either tear the marriage apart or cause you to run! One of the things that makes it impossible to stay is the spirit of pride. Once we have been hurt, we question the very presence of God and that’s how we begin to undermine our vows. We elevate ourselves and remove God from that picture becoming our own gods and having a final say. We even question his very presence at the alter and the enemy’s cunningness at this point can convince you that God did not ordain the relationship and it will be better to leave it because God was not a part of it in the first place. What nonsense!

…to be continued in part 2

See you again in part 2, keep reading

To every woman that is married, I salute you.

You are a Soldier,

You are a Fighter,

You are a Warrior,

You are a General,

You are a Conqueror

RiseUp Conqueror!!!!

Thank you for reading this post, don’t forget to like the page and share. Till then,

Remember,

Falling is not the problem, Failing to rise up is…RiseUP Conqueror!!!

Love

Ester H.


Falling is not the problem, Failing to rise up is…RiseUP Conqueror!!!