DEALING WITH REJECTION
As discussed in Part 1, rejection is a stronghold that affects the ego of an individual. It defies the very sense of being and crashes any positive attempts to self- awareness, self love and fruitful relationships. It is important to note that while this can be as a result of one bad experience, it can be a response to a train of bad experiences overtime too. Moreover, it may not even be about bad experiences but a state of loss in the following examples:
Primary Causes of Rejection
- rejected pregnancy
- rejected mother
- death of parent(s)/spouse/loved one/partner/lover
- absent father or mother/both
- divorce or broken family/home
- unhappy homes e.g quarells, fights
Secondary Causes of rejection
- loss of a loved one
- failed relationships
- loss of self~pride e.g virginity, rejected pregnancy, no access to child,
- separation and long distance relationships
- painful memories
- abuse e.g sexual, emotional, physical
- bullying, mockery, shame etc
- late marriage
- poverty e.g lack of food, shelter, clothes or fees/education
- costly mistakes or regrets
- unbelief and disobedience e.g occult, iniquitous patterns ~ continued sin (of self or generational)
As it were, loss in the examples above clearly depicts denied access to rights of love or desired status/dignity or relationships. Thus one has been rejected whether they are aware or unaware of this fact and these are called open doors to ones innerman for torment. The spirit of rejection simply looks for an open door in one’s life or their bloodline (Deuteronomy 5:19) . This means that being sinless in that area as an individual does not exempt you from torment or being a target for possession. Rejection may therefore be active, ~known or unknown, acknowledged or not and has the evil capacity to render havoc to unsuspecting individuals who think its ‘life’. Worsestill, both perpetrators and victims are subject to the spirit at the occurence of the rejection. The act of rejecting and that of being rejected is rejection in all. Evidently, a look at the above shows nothing new but such as is common to man but that is where the trick is. Although the face of it all is normal, the processing of emotions related to these experiences on the inside is nothing near normal. Infact, it should be a very thoughtful and deliberate plan to process negative emotions and safely dispose of them without harming self or others all the way to a state of peace. This is what will separate the rejected from the accepted.
Most individuals do not take the time to workout their emotions because of a combination of factors from life’s experiences to teachings recorded and encountered along the way. The thing is that through life’s journey we formulate templates of response to similar experiences based on what works best interms of peace and comfort for ourselves. Unfortunately, the tendency is for people to brush it off, code it ‘life’ act like everything is ok and try to manuvre through life until a day of reckoning comes and a defining moment begins. Worsestill, a response that works for one is not necessarily the fruitful one and may have negative effects on self and others creating seeds for future rejection and abuse cycles that will know no end until they are dealt with. Most times, its too late and damage of some sort has been done.
After experiencing the shock of rejection the individual retaliates by crafting a response mechanism (also known as a copying mechanism) of self protection from further harm. The result becomes a perverted self~awareness in both extremes of good and bad. On the good side were one is supposed to be self-aware, confident and humble their ego is inflated and they become too important for the world, prideful and hard to please. On the bad side, were they were already shy, reserved and self-conscious, their already dwindled confidence tank is thrown to the dogs leaving them utterly insecure, scared of people and places and generally fearful of anything from failure to making mistakes and being alone or lonely and yet what they fear the most makes up their life eventually.
It is also very common for one to switch from a good side extreme to a bad side extreme at any point in their life as they try to come up with the best mechanism for self protection. This becomes a mask of self in which they hide that rejected being inside and enjoy the fake one who seems to be more comfortable and incharge outside. Unfortunately, that rejected self continues to cry for freedom causing conflict within self as the pressure of inauthenticity threatens their peace. This can lead to depression or mental challenges if left unattended.
Now the symptoms of rejection will always reveal themselves in a person’s life and the running has to stop at some point.
HOW TO IDENTIFY & DEAL WITH REJECTION: The PADRA Analysis
Conducting aPADRA analysis begins the healing process by allowing an individual to reflect on their lives, zone in on the Pain, Anger, Disappoinments, Regrets and Anxiety points in their lives thus far, face them, do an audit of the trends and then close the demonic doors associated with them Gods way. PADRAs question the presence of God or acceptance at some point hence lead to rejection.
1. ASK QUESTIONS
The first port of call is to ask questions. The following are just examples:
- Have i ever been disappointed?
- Am i angry about something?
- Was i denied access to someone, something or somewhere?
- Did someone break my heart?
- What are my fears?
- Is my life the way it should be? Why?
Again these questions at first glance are ‘life’ and many would think so what’s the big deal? In most cases rejected people are ‘okay’ people, not ‘angry’ and generally ‘happy’ looking people until the right questions are asked and they get talking. As mentioned in Part 1, rejection is a stronghold that commands other giants e.g pride, unforgiveness, rebellion, bitterness and anger etc etc…Thus, amongst the tell~tell signs of rejection are frustration, stagnancy, going round in circles, unresolved anger issues, troubled relationships birthed in domineering attitudes, i~know~it~all, unteachable, perfectionist/ hard to please character, rebellious, control freak, grudge keeper and truss breaker, easily disappointed, quick to cry, highly emotional and sensitive, always misread and misunderstood, confused about self and constantly in turmoil within self etc etc. These continue to set one up with more rejection, misery and lack of peace.
The next step is to think deeply and reflect on the who, what, where, why and how of each point. You must be able to:
- Acknowledge the rejection/wrongs done
- Accept what the perpetrators did
- Ascertain your own contribution to what happened
- Take responsibility for your own action
3. SURRENDER TO THE SOVEREIGN GOD
This is the crucial stage where you acknowledge the presence of a higher power in it all. Please note that this is a leap of faith as nothing changes outside instantly but everything is transformed inside instantly. Unfortunately, the change can quickly vanish if nothing is done to maintain it. You have to trust the one who sees all, knows all and is judge over all. As you continue to hold those who rejected/hurt you, God cannot deal with them. You continue to be a god/judge over the situation and therefore live under an open curse~the price of idolatry (Jeremiah 17.5). As a host of the spirit of rejection you are simply your biggest enemy.
After you have made the committment to yield to a higher power and NOT your ownself, begin the journey of letting go. It is important to know that this is not a one day thing afterall rome wasn’t built in a day! The committment to see it through means a lot for yourself, your loved ones and the kingdom. The rejected being trapped on the inside must come out. To do this she/he has to make sure that acceptance and not rejection awaits them outside. Take the following steps to prepare the exit:
- Kill the idol in you: Acknowledge the Lordship of God Almighty through the love of Christ who died for you on the cross while you were yet a sinner. This means acceptance!
- Repent: Whether you entered the web of rejection knowingly or unknowingly, you have become a partaker of its evils and repentance is key. Repent on behalf of self, family and ancestors (Deuteronomy 5:19). Some of the sins associated with rejection are self explanatory being based on acts of rejection and the resulting copying mechanisms of personal protection such as rebellion, bitterness, pride, anger issues, unforgiveneness which lead to other sins e.g foul attitude towards perpetrators sometimes even hate and thoughts of killing them or wishing for their death or misfortune, trickery, dishohour, disrespect, perversion (e.g fornication, adultery, masturbation, whoredom, promiscuity, pornography etc), drunkenness, self-righteousness, unbelief, lack of connection with God (challenges in reading the word, praying or serving etc)
- Forgive: The evil of unforgiveness is that it puts you in a prison of torment where you find your life limited or going round in circles (Matthew 18:23-25). Forgive everyone from yourself, the rejectors to God himself (not that God needs your forgiveness but that in your act of blaming him and asking why, you also classified him as a rejector) so that you can see all in good light, the light of God. Again this is an elimination of false gods. 1. you~god 2. rejector~god 3. god~god. The 1st one is where you made yourself more important than everyone else. The 2nd one is where you harboured those that hurt you carrying them wherever you go. Unbeknown to you these became gods that controlled your attitude, demeanor and entire life. The 3rd one represents the counterfeit God, the devil. If the one true God was present in your life the example of Christ being your model would not co~habit with rejection and its partners. You have thus been furthering the enemy’s agenda while destroying your own self amd others. Humble yourself, FORGIVE and let go!
- ACCEPTANCE: After all is said and done it is of utmost importance to adopt an attitude of acceptance. Focusing on God means access is granted and moving forward in this mindset will ultimately wipeout the residue of rejection. One must begin a journey of feeding their spirit daily with the bread of life. Being born of God, a spirit starved of this food will eventually fall back into the old traps of rejection.
In conclusion, it is imperative to note at this point that as an evil spirit, rejection is very subtle, cunning and quick to camouflage itself in the victim. This makes the above tell~tell signs non~specific at first glance as rejection is able to finely engraft itself into the persona of individuals. Worsestill the spirit has the wicked ability to switch copying mechanisms within one person leading confusion as people are not always sure who they are dealing with and how to deal with that individual. In extreme cases this can lead to such conditions as split- personality disorder which are beyond the scope of this article. Scripture says resist the devil and he will flee from you (James 4:7). Anytime you feel rejected, refuse to entertain the thought. Stick to acceptance and stay focused on access being granted (Proverbs 9:7~8). Eventually the energies around you will partner with you to attract what you desire ~ the atmosphere you live in being charged with positive energies and acceptance!
Till Then, thank you for reading this post and don’t forget to share 🙂
falling is not the problem, failing to riseUP is
The history of Africa is marked with painful memories of the Slave Trade in which chiefs and others to whom power was a privilege sold their powerless subordinates for self gain. Those sold were subjected to torture, torment, confusion, sickness, pain and sometimes even death aboard the ships ferrying them to their new owners. Individuals were bought for a price worth nothing while they were separated from their loved ones never to see them again. Slavery meant loss of freedom and independence to the slave and total control with all sorts of rights even sexual to the enslaver. It was characterised with emotional, physical and economic abuse. Today many individuals are tied to these attrocities spiritually in an insatiable hunger to own fellow humans through unforgiveness.
Unforgiveness is an acute condition of the sickness of the mind in which the sufferer assumes non-realistic, non-feasible and non-existent control over an individual. The host has an insatiable hunger to enslave the victim who unforunately belongs to a higher power and is generally off-limits for them. It is rather insane (for lack of a better word) to assume ownership of an individual because of the attrocities committed against you. While you assume this fake power, negative forces enhance the emotions inorder for you to feel superior. They have an agenda to kill, steal and destroy John 10.10. They depend on the partnerships they gain with humans to do this. To some extent they can achieve their mission on both ends. However if anyone of the ends is soldout to Christ and redeemed by the work of the cross, the host of unforgiveness suffers endlessly on their own unless and until they humble themselves enough to forgive. This means double trouble because after enduring the wrongs done to you, these same wrongs become your legal entry into ‘wrong’ at your own personal level. Now you pay the price for wrongs at both levels.
God created man is his own image and owns everything and everyone on the universe. In the earth realm, certain rules apply in dealing with each other based on the laws God provided for humanity. The laws are diverse but zooming in on them reveals one thing~LOVE. God himself is Love. He is the author of love so that while we were yet sinners, he sent his only son Jesus to die for us on the cross. This was the highest degree of love in which even today, our sins cannot seperate us from the love of God. We are able to approach the throne at any time, seek forgiveness, repent and be assured of our acceptance from on high.
Now unforgiveness is the rot that defiles humans, the inability to forgive. It is accepting that we have been wronged but failing to take the next step with wisdom. What makes it so difficult to forgive? Wrongs, sins or attrocities commited against us attack our very sense of being and diminish our confidence and self pride. Some wrongs leave us feeling unwanted, dejected, rejected, unloved and depressed. In worst case scenarios our love for self is also attacked so that we are left hating the very sense of existence.
The shame of all these negative emotions and feelings is the most unbearable and responsible for driving us to desperate measures to gain back our honour and dignity. To counter these unpleasant feelings, humans resort to assuming a position of power internally. This is where we seperate the wise and the foolish. At this point, degeneration (death) begins and need not be physically evident. In Hosea, God himself contemplates the perishing of his people because of ignorance (Hosea 4:6). Where his people (all humanity) are supposed to surrender everything to him so that vengeance is his (Romans 12:19), they take the bull by the horns and further demon inspired agendas of self vengeance to restore whatever it is they perceive lost.
Again because there is no knowledge, it is those same things individuals are instructed not to do in the lawbook that they do, hurting and being hurt, deceiving and being deceived, rejecting and being rejected and those nagative cycles know no end until the day one realises that time is far spent and pain and her companions are stubbornly resident.
Symptoms of Unforgiveness :
Cycles of emotional abuse
NB* This least is not by any means exhaustive im itself.
How to FORGIVE
It is crucial to reflect on the violation committed against us at 3levels viz;
- The Perpertrator
Firstly, It takes the love of God to forgive. You have to acknowledge the presence of a higher power in the case to forgive. It begins by conceptualising that God is large and incharge. Understanding that God is love is key. If God is love, then accepting that you are loved by him enables you to fully comprehend that he will take the next step to rectify the problem, vindicate you and restore your honour and dignity. God in his sovereignty and wisdom commissioned the law forgiveness. He simply meant it as it is and has reasons for not explaining further and simply requiring us to trust. This means that he is in charge of what happens from the time we forgive to restore us into a more dignified and peaceful place. Your duty is to commit to forgiveness, feed your spirit with the word until you land in a better place by his grace. This is a jouney one needs to take for themselves and not make it about others as they are answerable for their own actions. Thus, forgiveness is an act of faith.
Secondly accept that a fellow human being has wronged you and love them enough to acknowledge a sickness of the mind on their part. The compassionate mindset should consider that, ” If they were ok, why the hate to harm me.” Everybody likes good but not everybody is selfless enough to maintain good. Some acts of ‘good’ when done thoughtlessly infringe on other people’s rights to good. That inability to recognise evil and desist from it reflects instability or sickness of the innerman. Unfortunately the victim also becomes the perpertrator of secret attrocities ~refusing to forgive, hating, rebelling against God himself because of crimes committed against them. However, when you begin to concern yourself with the life of the perpetrator in a positive way, acknowledging their evident ‘sickness’ seeking their wellness, then that is the road to recovery for yourself. Scripture says as he is, so are we in the earth. The more of God we allow ourselves to exhibit, the we move towards absolute peace. Do others as you would have them do unto you (Luke 6:31) means that you are aware of your imperfections and sinful abilities but are more interested in revealing the God-part in you for his glory. If you can forgive in advance, you are also forgiven in advance by others and by God himself. If you hold on to what others do against you, one day you will find youreslf in that trap where it will cost you more than you were charging this particular perpetrator today. Again storing wrath for yourself is not a wise decision. Infact it is a very selfish act that will transcend generations in your bloodline because of this seed of unforgiveness you have sown. Your judgements of today will be your downfall of tomorrow. Open your eyes and remove these seeds. Choose to let go.
Lastly but definitely not least is you, the one who was wronged. You are the one suffering the shame and loss of dignity. The one whose feelings and emotions are justified in every sense and at every point. The one whose pride was put in the mud and cannot see the possibility of forgiving. To you, forgiving means letting someone off the hook easily. Your forgiveness has value, sometimes even monetary value, so why forgive? Again, the answer to that is~ simply acknowmedge a higher power -God and fulfil his law. Jesus was the son God well before he was born but he had to be baptised like everybody else to fulfill the laws put in place here on earth. The very act of coming to earth by natural birth speaks volumes. If Jesus could be humble, humble yourself and forgive. Let go! Refuse to be in counterfeit control of somebody and be punished for pride like Satan the master of it.
Now Satan has to face the shame of fighting lost battles (the price of pride that got him thrown out of heaven) because the work was finished on the cross. It is his expresss interest to recruit workers for his kingdom to push his agendas. Is this the life you choose for your self? To be the Devil’s advocate, practising a slave trade with no reward except death and finally hellfire? He pries on your lack of knowledge. He was in heaven in past times ministering to God before getting thrown out. He knows what you should know. He will give you a crown of Pride, sit you on the throne of Judgement, get you to issue out your own decrees and laws i.e conditions and a pricetag on forgiveness so that you don’t ever forgive. This way he will have you believing that you are in charge and protecting yourself from further abuse. All it means is that you have joined him in fighting lost battles. At least he knows he lost (and wants souls to go down with), do you? As your harbour unforgiveness, your cells are dying. You perish as you lack the knowledge to forgive.
To all my brothers and sisters out there, forgive, forgive and forgive again. If you cannot control what people do to you, you certainly cannot control them after they have done that which you do not want. You have no control. Trust God who alone has the absolute power and control to recompense according to his promise. Expect your double for the shame and move on (Isaiah 61:7). Life has more and is worth more than crowning another man’s sin with your own and going home with all the blame and a heavier burden, becoming the living dead.
Well thats it for today conquerors, till we meet again, dont firget to like and share
Remember falling is not the problem, failing to rise up is.
One of the inevitable facets of life that continuously threatens human beings is death. Death is when life ceases in an individual. The process is beyond the scope of this discussion as causes vary but the result is the same. While some depart from this world as a result of an accident, for some it is illness (long or short) while for others it is an act of wickedness e.g murder. Nonetheless, for those that die, death is actually good as one enters into rest from the toils of this wicked world. The book of Isaiah testifies of this fact revealing that death is actually an escape from evils that lie ahead (57:1). Furthermore, scripture describes death in some instances as ‘sleep’ which signifies rest as well. Unfortunately, for those left behind, death begins one of the most difficult phases of human existence. One is forced not only to carry on without their loved one but to handle the negative emotions that build up as result of this loss. The process of grief can become so complicated to the point of threatening the survival of the bereaved. Some of the negative effects of death are
- Change in lifestyle
- Change in living arrangements
- A host of unanswered questions regarding the death which can lead to frustration, confusion and stress or distress and depression
- Strife and misunderstandings based on the deceased estate or inheritance
Now these are good breeding ground for negative emotions such as anger, bitterness, unforgiveness, stubbornness and rebellion which is why it is necessary to discuss copying with death in this post. The grief process begins with shock and denial, going onto anger and guilt followed by bargaining then depression and despair which should lead to adjustment and acceptance and finally recovery (Kubler-Ross, 1969). At every stage there is work to be done in processing pain. Allowing the negative feelings and emotions to play out and safely dispose them to enter the next stage until we reach a place of acceptance and then the recovery process can begin. Nothing happens in a day but deliberate effort to heal is key. It should also be worrisome when a particular stage is prolonged as in some cases individuals go through years and years of denial or anger and guilt etc. This can create wounds that may never heal but continue to cause rot on the inside contaminating the spirit and weakening the individual and their ability to cope with life. Consequently they may be an introduction of physical ailments such as clinical depression, panic attacks and heart complications. It is important to note that skipping a stage is as equally harmful as prolonging one particular stage.
I lost my mother at 33 years of age and unfortunately, the first port of call for me was acceptance. This is the act of acknowledging that the worst has happened but that life continues. I had literally watched my mother take a downward trend healthwise from the year that I got to the knowledge of God to the year that she died. This was about 5years later. My entire faith walk had been wrapped around my mother’s deliverance from an illness we couldn’t understand as she was supposed to be on a deathbed but was up and about till the unfortunate day. For me this was a testimony and I kept imagining a brighter day, a day of full recovery and wholeness. So when the news came I was not shocked but was numb. I did not cry. I was bold and fully saved and assured that all was ‘well with my soul.’ This was the biggest mistake. I did not grieve and when the reality of matter took in some 2weeks later, I was so miserable and dejected. But then I entered a phase of guilt, regretting not ever commanding her body to resurrect in the name of Jesus. “If only I had prayed that prayer, my mother would have risen” I thought, because Christ was in me. Again, this was a big mistake and when this didn’t seem to work, I went into another phase that took months and months. This time I was praying for her resurrection, bargaining with God to perform a 1st kind of miracle in my lifetime of opening the grave and calling forth my mother back into life. This was a beautiful phase as I had beautiful dreams to support this mindset. Dreams that confirmed that my mother was not dead and was alive and that we did not bury her. I believed God with all of my heart and soul as ‘nothing was impossible for him.’ My prayer life went backwards as nothing happened. My relationship with God began to take its toll. I was slowly losing my grip and I was not happy with myself. The day of reckoning came. I had to ask some questions. Did I still want to carryon this walk with Christ? Was my wish more important than the will of God? Was anything worth my relationship with God? I realised that I was in denial and not only that but i had become a god wanting my will done against all the odds! I had not accepted the death of my mother and this had become my idol. An idol that I religiously honoured everyday at the expense of my relationship with God Almighty, my father in heaven. I repented and God started revealing to me some hard truths
- He is the sovereign God who performs his uncontested will (Proverbs 16:1/9/11/33/; 19:21; 21:31)
- He is the alpha and the omega so my mothers beginning and end was in him (Revelation 22:13)
- He creates for himself and his purpose not for me and my purpose (Isaiah 46:10; Job 14:5; Job 12:14))
From the above I learnt that my mother’s death had happened in the bounds of him who starts and ends all. I could see that his will could not be contested and that it was not my wish or purpose that could stand but his. This way, I had no option but to surrender my ill spirit and broken heart to him. He was well able and ready to accept me and heal me, redeeming me from destruction (psalms 51 & 103). I also learnt that is was a selfish attitude and mindset that led me to denial for so long causing me pain. I was thinking about me, me and me and not stopping even for once to consider the pain of illness my mother had bravely carried to death. She was resting now. Could I not at least appreciate this in honour of her fight to survive anyways? Some may ask how those whose loved ones die in their sleep or get whipped of the face of the earth by an accident may feel about this theme of selfishness. It would be selfish anyway to consider what the creator has done or allowed as unfair. If it fits in the will of God and it has so happened then it is selfish of us to see it otherwise. The act of wanting things our way no matter what- that is selfishness and it is motivated in evil not good.
In conclusion therefore, death is real and let it be a point of honouring and celebrating the life of loved ones. It need not be our point of entry into hell by selfish thoughts, harbouring negative emotions and entertaining spirits of negativity. As we do this, we cannot access heaven. This not only opens a door for demonic manipulations and torment but impacts one’s own life in a bad way and threatens one’s own existence. What is it worth? In a life full of opportunities and possibilities I exhort you to riseUP, shake the dust and move on! That loved one you lost, had a life apportioned to them and they had the chance to live it as they wanted but only up to the day accorded them by God Almighty. Their death cannot continue to control your life all the way to your own grave. LIVE!
Thank you for reading this post, don’t forget to share….riseUPconqueror
falling is not the problem, failing to riseUP is!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!