Welcome to Part 3 of the MoveOn series. In Part 2 we discussed the concept of moving on and what it really means. Today we will be looking at the mindset that facilitates the journey to moving on. It is important to note that Moving on is not an event but a deliberate and conscious effort to embrace any change whether it is voluntary or involuntary. It is usually easier to manuvre change that one was able to prepare for and see the need for as compared to change that was forced on one. In any case, all change is change and it takes work and effort without which one remains stuck to their own detriment.
The Mind to Move On
To move on from an unfortunate incident or turnout of events requires a willing mind first before the physical situation can be affected. I talk about the physical situation being affected because although the mind may have been stuck in one place (refusing to move on), the body was not stuck in time and therefore has been exposed to the effects of the world it lives in while the mind was stuck and failing to make positive decisions for the betterment of the body. As time moved, the body rolled on without the help of the mind. Therefore to Move on, is essentially to unite body and mind with the help of the the spirit within. These 3 parts of being (body, soul, spirit) must always agree for victorious living. Click here to read more about this.
To unite the Body (flesh), Soul (mind, feelings and emotions) and the Spirit (breath of God in us) we must ask questions. Since the unfortunate has already happened, these questions will not undo things but will help bring healing for moving on.
1. What part did I play in what happened?
When we meet curve balls, they are unexpected and disruptive. For us to be able to proceed, we must first examine ourselves internally to see how we contributed to the unfortunate event. Once we can articulate our role, we must then own it. It is crucial to own your action(s) nomatter how bad and take responsibility for them. Apologise where you were wrong even if it is to yourself. Forgive those who hurt you including God if you think he did. Please note that God does not need your forgiveness but sometimes when we blame God for events, we need to put on the garment of forgiveness to remove God from our mind as the perpetrator of the actions against us but see him as our father regardless. Finally, realise that sometimes offenders will not apologise or seek peace with you and sometimes you may never ever see them again to get the apology you feel a deep need for. Moving therefor does not require the other party but yourself. Repent as needful too as this will facilitate the healing hand of God.
2. Could I have prevented it?
The next question we ask is if there was any way of preventing it. We ask this so that we learn from it all. If yes, one must realise that regret will keep them in bondage but learning from it and choosing to apply those lessons in the future will help in the journey to move on. A yes means guilt and lots of self-blame and it is even worse in the case of death of a loved one. These 2 negative forces will skin you alive because by blaming yourself, you actually take the seat of God who controls all things and indirectly say ‘i killed…’. If you really could have done something, it is too late right! Realise at this point, the truth of matters- that all power you had to prevent it was nullified to make way for this event by greater powers and forces than you. The true fact is if you could have prevented it, you simply would have. You are here because it was simply not your place to prevent it and the sooner you remove yourself from that firing line the better. You may own the resources you could have used to prevent this event but you neither own the world in which it happened nor time that governs the occurrences of all events. Asides repenting for what you actually did, leave all else to the owner of all things.
3. Did I know what would happen?
Another important question to ask is if you knew what would happen. If you have the gift of prophesy or dreams and perhaps your answer is yes- Seeing something happen before it does is not an indication of power. Knowing that something bad will happen often makes room for self blame and guilt which often makes it complicated to move on as one gets stuck in wishful thinking of all the possible things they could have done to prevent the bad things from happening. To move on, one needs to realise and accept that God is the only ultimate power. Prophesy is just a little bit of information in the whole bigger picture and usually has nothing to do with final outcomes which may already have been determined. The fact that it still happened shows how limited we are as humans. Accepting your weakness in humility is key. If your answer is No- the fact that you did not know is enough to show your weakness as a human. This weakness ought to be accepted in humility and in place of it, acknowledge the presence of a higher power that controls all events on the earth. God lifts the humble and humility is your road to Moving On.
4. Can I change things?
Now that the unfortunate has happened and you find yourself failing to wrap your head around it, one question that can help is whether things can be changed. After listing the changeables and non-changeables, go ahead and change what you can and surrender to God what you cannot. It is useless to subject yourself to fantasy and wishful thinking over things you have no control over and you cannot change. Guess what- God, in his omnipotence, omnipresence and omniscience makes everything workout for the good to those that love him. Do you love God, now look ahead and expect his goodness to prevail in all circumstances including loss. Move on!
5. Do I have good memories?
Good memories signify life and evidence of the goodness of the Lord. We only ever need to move on from death- death of an idea, a business deal, finances, relationships or even loved one(s) through loss of life. Focusing on the painful fact that things will never be the same is focusing on the darkness within. Add to that all your lifetime sorrows, the bad experiences accumulated through the years then you are surely on death lane and cannot move on. A focus on this darkness slowly kills you for it is a dark force eating you up alive. The power of choices is yours and noone can take this away from you. Even in those instances that people say, “i didn’t have a choice” taking or doing whatever is there remains a choice. Sometimes a positive mind is the only available good choice to make. You can choose to focus on the good memories and experiences. These are a light that will grow, reveal the way ahead and provide strength to moveon.
6. Is it Safe to Move On?
Finally the mother of all questions- “Do i have the green light to go right ahead?” The major hindrance to moving on is fear of the unknown. Fear of the unfortunate events repeating themselves, other worse evils happening or fear that God will allow more wickedness in one’s life. I remember feeling unsafe after the loss of a loved one. I felt like me or someone else will just die. I began to have dreams supporting this thought too. At one point, after the loss of huge finances, I wasn’t sure I would rise up again financially. The fear of not being able to feed or take my children through school gripped me. As humans we think the worst when we have fallen or lost something dear to us regardless of whether the loss is permanent as in the case of death of a loved one or not permanent e.g losing a deal. Sometimes assuming or seeing worse is like a comfortzone. Well it is not and guess what, even if you have the gift of prophesy- you will never see all the remaining days of your life lined up and what’s in store! Life is always gonna be a matter of faith or fear of the unknown and to move on, one must hold on to the faith that things will workout. It is the only route to healthier and peaceful living beyond the days of grief and or pain.
In conclusion, when we meet curve balls in life or when the unexpected happens we go on a quest to find answers. This quest is either voluntary (planned and guided) or involuntary (unwanted and invasive). I say this because there will generally be questions from other people and within self to try and understand why things happened the way they did. If the self introspection is guided as above and met with wisdom, one can often find the strength to get up and move on. If the questions meet no wisdom or answers and are unguided, unwanted and forceful they lead to woundedness which further weakens the grieving soul and shatters the body leading nowhere. After all is said and done, it is a matter of choice. You choose to worry about what’s ahead or enjoy or at least appreciate whats here right now. You choose to prepare for what’s ahead based on what you know or stumble into the unknown unprepared. Preparation alone is no guarantee as it must meet faith and providence. After taking responsibility for your own actions, changing what you can and bringing yourself in humility before a greater power -God, what remains is to move on. You face the future not because it is safe but because He, the Alpha and the Omega is in it. It is because he has ALL the answers (revealed or forever hidden) and not because you have.
Thank you for reading this post, please like, share and don’t forget to Join me in the final post- Part 4 as we close with this series with the Principles of Moving On.
Remember falling is not the problem but failing to riseup is!!!